Durin help me
by lauriethelemon
Summary: Thorin was a majestic warrior, rightful King under the Mountain, but he still had no idea how to deal with the two little dwarves that had been left in his charge. Series of one-shots, follows on from my first fic "Bedtime Stories".
1. Thorin's Surprise

It was obvious when Fili and Kili were planning something. Recently, whenever Thorin had walked into a room, the fervent whispering of his nephews had stopped and they had given him what he supposed they thought were innocent smiles.

"I suppose I'll find out soon enough," he grumbled to himself, dreading whatever the two dwarflings had in store for him this time.

They were even acting suspicious as he took them to Bofur's house one morning, mouthing odd words at each other and giving each other significant looks. Thorin pretended to ignore this as he greeted Bofur and pushed his nephews over the threshold. As they got themselves comfortable in front of the fire, Thorin took Bofur to one side.

"Bofur, they're up to something." Thorin muttered, not taking his eyes off the boys. He turned sharply at Bofur's chuckle.

"Aren't they always?"

Thorin sighed. "Could you just try and find out what's going on? I'm not sure if I can cope with anymore of their little surprises." At Bofur's sympathetic nod, Thorin left the house with a swift goodbye and a stern "Be good" to his nephews.

Once he was sure that Thorin had left, Bofur ran over to where Fili and Kili were sitting.

"Well done, lads! He hasn't got a clue!" He grinned at the proud faces he got at this statement, and pulled out a wooden box from behind a chair. "It's a good thing he let you come today, or you might not have been finished in time for his birthday tomorrow."

Bofur passed over the little piece of wood that Fili had been whittling for the last week. It didn't seem to look like anything yet, but Fili said it was nearly finished so Bofur didn't argue with him, and just made sure that Fili didn't hurt himself with the knife. Kili was definitely too young to be working with such a dangerous object, so Bofur had been helping him to draw a picture for his uncle.

Neither Fili nor Kili could contain his excitement all day as they added the finishing touches to their masterpieces, and it took them hours to get to sleep once Thorin had taken them home (luckily not noticing the extra little bundle Fili was carrying, and the carefully folded parchment in Kili's pocket).

It was still dark when Fili was prodded awake.

"Can we go see Uncle Thorin yet?" His younger brother's face was blurry, but Fili could tell he was beaming with eagerness.

Fili blinked, staring at Kili in confusion, then he remembered what day it was. Immediately he jumped out of bed, found his little parcel, then grabbed Kili's hand and pulled him towards their uncle's bedroom.

Listening at the door they could hear Thorin's rumbling snores. Fili hesitated. He remembered going in to see his uncle in the night a few years ago when he had been ill. Thorin was always prepared for a sudden orc attack, even when he was asleep, and Fili was lucky to have ducked just in time after shaking his uncle awake. After that incident, Thorin had had to stop sleeping with his sword by his bed.

Clearly he'd never told Kili this story, as he saw, to his horror, his brother sprinting into the room and climbing up to bounce on the bed.

"HAPPY BIR-"

Before Kili could finish the sentence, Thorin sat bolt-upright with a roar and knocked the attacking goblin to the floor. Kili landed with a thunk before Thorin realised what had happened.

_Oh god, _he thought to himself, looking at the little pile of dwarf on the floor. _I've killed the tiny one._

Luckily for Thorin, young dwarves, especially Kili, were pretty resilient. Thorin picked up the dwarfling and noted with a sigh of relief that he wasn't injured, but just stunned into silence. _This is probably the quietest he's ever been, _Thorin mused.

Kili soon snapped out of it as Fili climbed up onto the bed to check that he was alright, and resumed his cries of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" as he jumped all over his uncle.

Thorin groaned. The sun hadn't even risen yet, couldn't this have waited a few hours?

He grabbed his bouncing nephews (Fili had joined in, excitement replacing his worry) and pinned them down on either side of him under his arms.

"Is this what you've been planning then?"

Fili looked shocked that their uncle had been onto them, but Kili immediately pulled out his drawing and started babbling about all the little details he wanted Thorin to notice.

Thorin looked bleary-eyed at the picture. He guessed that the blob with the angry face in the middle was him. Maybe. He really couldn't decipher what this picture was portraying, but he smiled down at his youngest nephew anyway.

"It's a very good picture, Kili, thank you." he said as he propped it up on his bedside table.

Fili eyes were shining with pride as he perched himself on his uncle's lap and held out a badly wrapped parcel. Thorin fumbled with the little bits of string tied into messy knots, but eventually pulled out the wooden carving.

"Oh! It's a…um…" He had honestly no idea what it was, and for the life of him he couldn't work it out. Fili looked up at him expectantly, clearly delighted with his creation. Thorin couldn't bear to break his heart. "It's…a fine piece of craftsmanship, lad!"

Fili seemed happy with his verdict as he sat back down next to his uncle and listened to Kili's chattering about how long he spent making the orcs' faces ugly enough.

The day was enjoyable, with plenty of visitors coming to give Thorin their best wishes. Once everyone but Balin had left, and his nephews had gone to bed, Thorin sat dozing in front of the fire. He woke up with a start as Balin walked into the room.

"Not tired, are you? Too much ale?"

Thorin sighed as he told Balin about how he had been rudely awakened that morning, and how thankful he was for the thickness of Kili's skull. Balin laughed; he remembered another young dwarf who seemed to bounce as he hit the ground at that age.

"Perhaps, from now on, the two laddies should stay at my house on the night before your birthday to give you a lie-in. And to save them from the danger that is you in the mornings."

Thorin ignored this last comment and smiled at the older dwarf.

That was one of the best birthday presents he'd been given in years.

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who favourited and reviewed Bedtime Stories, I love you all. **

**And thanks for reading this :)**


	2. Losing Kili

**A/N: What? An update?! :O**

**Sorry, university started again and I got caught up with work. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed and I love you all!**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Fili was shaking with excitement as his uncle led him towards the training area. Thorin had finally decided that he was old enough to learn how to wield a sword, and nothing was going to ruin this day for him. Not even his grumpy little brother.

Despite Kili's wailing and pleading to be allowed to join in, Thorin's resolve hadn't wavered.

"You're too small, lad. The training swords are almost bigger than you!" Kili had spent the rest of the morning attempting to lift big and heavy things to prove his uncle wrong, but ended up doing the opposite by dropping a forging hammer on his foot. He was still limping as he trailed behind, hoping to avoid another lecture about not touching Thorin's things.

Although he didn't show it, Thorin felt very sorry for his youngest nephew. He'd managed to cheer him up slightly by saying that he could come and watch, instead of having to stay at home with a babysitter (also it would have been to cruel so inflict a moody Kili on some other poor dwarf), but he doubted that he'd be in Kili's good books again until he gave in and started teaching him too.

When they reached the training area, Thorin sat Kili down in a corner and bent down to Kili's level.

"Kili," he started slowly, the young dwarf avoiding his gaze. "I need you to be good and stay where I can see you. I don't want you getting hurt." Thorin set down the bag of toys he'd brought for Kili to play with, and flinched as Kili's head snapped up to glare at him.

_I am not scared of my nephew, I am NOT scared of my nephew, _Thorin repeated his mantra in his head as he turned back to Fili to start the lesson.

Fili picked up the basics very quickly, and soon Thorin was genuinely enjoying himself. It was also a load off his mind when he noticed that Kili's sulking had relented and he had rummaged through the bag to find his favourite little wooden figures.

As the afternoon went on, Fili's movements started to slow down, and he was struggling to hold up the sword for very long, so Thorin decided to call it a day.

"You did a great job!" Thorin smiled at his nephew, who beamed up at him. "Come on, let's get your brother and go ho-"

Fili bumped into Thorin's legs before he noticed that his uncle had frozen in shock. Bewildered, Fili looked towards the spot Thorin was gawping at.

"Uncle Thorin, where's Kili gone?" Fili asked innocently, before he was suddenly scooped up by his uncle, along with the bag of Kili's toys that Thorin slung over his shoulder.

Thorin strode out of the training area and started interrogating every dwarf he could see.

"Have you seen Kili? You know - the tiny, crazy one? Lots of messy brown hair? Has anyone seen my nephew?!"

Most dwarves just shook their heads and said they'd keep an eye out for him. When Thorin found Balin and Dwalin, they agreed to split up and look for the lost dwarfling. As Balin and Dwalin set off to look in the forge and the edges of the town, Thorin dashed around the town centre, desperately searching for the little dwarf that he was sure would be the death of him.

They each searched for hours, and still no luck. Thorin was really starting to panic, but he was trying his best to stay calm for Fili, whom he was dragging along.

"He'll be fine, he's probably just hiding somewhere, causing trouble as usual." Thorin muttered more to himself than to Fili. He dreaded to think what horrible things could have happened to such a small dwarfling out there on his own. He was so engulfed in his worries that he almost crashed into Dwalin as he rounded a corner.

Dwalin grunted, "No luck yet, you?" Thorin shook his head, struggling to keep his calm façade. Balin stepped out from behind his brother.

"Thorin, you need to take Fili back home, it's getting late. Dwalin and I will keep searching, and we've alerted most of the town." Balin gave his old friend a comforting smile. "You'll have him back in no time."

Thorin looked down at Fili and noticed for the first time how exhausted the little dwarf looked. He was hesitant to leave the others to look for Kili, but he knew that Balin was right. He swiftly picked up Fili, and with a swift nod to Balin and Dwalin, set off home.

Fili was asleep by the time they got home, and didn't stir once as his uncle lowered him into his bed. Once Fili was tucked in, Thorin went to the kitchen for a desperately needed ale. He slumped down on a chair, dropping the bag of Kili's toys on the floor, which landed with a thunk and an "OW!"

Thorin pulled his tankard towards him, but froze with the rim at his lips as he realised that something was wrong.

Bags don't saw ow…

Cautiously, Thorin picked up the bag and opened the top. He was greeted with two big brown eyes peering out under a mop of brown hair.

"Kili!" Thorin sighed with relief, pulling his nephew into a tight hug.

"You dropped me." Kili mumbled sleepily into Thorin's shoulder. "I was asleep because I was bored and you were ignoring me and I wanted to see if I could get inside the bag and I did then I fell asleep and then you dropped me…"

Thorin was barely listening to Kili's sleepy babbling, and suddenly thought struck him. He'd had the whole town, including two hardened warriors, searching high and low for his nephew, and Thorin had been carrying him around all day.

He was never going to live this down.


	3. Not-so-big brother

**A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long! I've been struggling to come up with ideas, so if anyone has any prompts I'd be really glad to hear them.**

**This chapter's a bit shorter than the others too, sorry.**

**Thanks for all the favourites, follows and reviews, you guys are great!**

"Get off!"

"Make me!"

Fili glared up at his brother who was sat on his chest. "I've _told _you! I'm your big brother so you should do as I say!"

Kili snorted. "You can't tell me what to do; you can't even get out from under me."

"Yes I can!"

"Go on then."

"No…" Fili grumbled. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Excuses excuses" said Kili with a smug grin.

In Fili's defence, his little brother had just had a massive growth spurt, while Fili was still on the short side for his age. Thorin promised him that it wouldn't be long before he was towering over his brother again, instead of only being a couple of inches taller, but this time couldn't come soon enough for Fili. Kili's new height had given him delusions of grandeur, and had upset the natural order of things. Fili was the older brother, he was the boss (at least when Uncle Thorin wasn't around anyway).

"Kili," Fili fixed the dwarf on his chest with his best Thorin stare. "If you don't get off me right now, you'll be in BIG trouble."

"Oh really?" Kili smirked. Fili noticed with disappointment that Kili's smug expression hadn't slipped at all. "What are you going to do, oh noble big brother?"

Fili considered his options. There wasn't a lot he could do from his position on the floor under his brother. Getting out of situations like this had been much easier before Thorin had started teaching Kili how to fight, and Fili would have easily been able to push Kili off if the younger dwarf hadn't learned the best way to pin him down. Fili would have been proud of his brother's skill if it had been anyone else he was using this skill on.

So what could he do? He couldn't exactly threaten to break all of Kili's toys, because he liked playing with them too (much to Kili's chagrin). Tickling was a possibility, but then again Kili would tickle him back, and Fili was the more ticklish of the two so that would end in disaster for him. There was only one option left.

"I'll tell Uncle Thorin."

These words did not have the effect on his brother than Fili had hoped. The grin on Kili's face grew even wider.

"That's fine. I bet he'll be really proud of me for beating you. Anyway you won't need to tell him because I'm still going to be sat on you when he comes back."

Fili wasn't giving up on his plan that easily. "But he could be really cross. We're not supposed to fight, and you've obviously been fighting, and I haven't. The blame will all be on you."

A flicker of fear rippled through Kili's complacent expression, but he soon regained his composure. "Nah, Uncle will be proud of me, so I'm not moving until he gets back."

Fili sighed. "Fine, if you want to risk it, we will wait and see." He shifted slightly under Kili, pretending to make himself more comfortable, and hoping that Kili's resolve would waiver and would make him scarper before their uncle returned.

Contrary to what Fili expected, Kili was still sat firmly on his chest when they heard Thorin come in through the front door later that evening. Both dwarflings looked up tentatively as their uncle made his way into their room, awaiting his verdict.

Thorin was exhausted, and really not in the mood for this. He'd spent longer than usual at the forge and was paying for it with the aches and pains that were running through his limbs. He didn't even wait to hear an explanation as to what had happened while he'd been out, and started forward to pull Kili off his older brother.

Upon seeing their Uncle's vulnerable state, Fili and Kili looked at each other with mischievous looks in their eyes, and silently agreed on a plan. As Thorin bent down towards them, Kili grabbed Thorin's arm and tugged him towards the ground, while he let Fili shuffle out from under him to jump on Thorin's back. Before Thorin had realised what was happening, he found himself on the floor with his two nephews pinning him down.

"Oh for Durin's sake…" he grumbled as Fili and Kili laughed and high-fived each other. "Very funny, lads, now let me up."

"NO!"


End file.
